the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
