If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
