My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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