Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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