Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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