booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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