How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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