My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
