You smell like a Billy Joel song
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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