Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
