All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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