May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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