I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
