i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
