dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
