just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
