You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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