so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize