wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
