pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
