How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
