I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Found your dick twin last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
