im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
