just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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