Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this just has baby written all over it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
