It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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