I've blown a few things in my day
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
