Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
