And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
