He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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