Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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