upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
