I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
