my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
