O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
