she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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