Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
