Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't put those talents on a resume
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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