im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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