All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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