i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
