He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is wine microwaveable?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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