I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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