GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
