To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
