My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've blown a few things in my day
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
