i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize