We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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