ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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