"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
