He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
