it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
