Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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