yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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