her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
