I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
