I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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