be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
