His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
