Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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