I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
