OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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