If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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