My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
