is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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