she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
