Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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