I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
