I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
