Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will pee on everything he values.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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