Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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