He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
