I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
