I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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