did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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