I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
