My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
