My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
