sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
