He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
