i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
