He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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