dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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