Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
