Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize