Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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