someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
