Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
