I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
only you would photoshop your dick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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