Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
