I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
True strength comes from lack of pants
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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