I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
