if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
