I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
