We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
