3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
