I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
