I wannas sexs uuuuu
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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