I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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