my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
