Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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