She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
